Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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