Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
