ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
