I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
