The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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