She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Randomize
