Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
God I need to hump something, right now.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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