Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
