Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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