I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
