the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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