Betty ford says i'm here all night
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
