You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I FOUND THE LEGS
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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