My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
