Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
