she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
