I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
