I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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