how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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