Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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