I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
