I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
