didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize