If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
