Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
