end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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