I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize