That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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