your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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