saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
