this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize