just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
