Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
