Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
A bitchslap is in order.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
