was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
