My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize