My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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