im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
