Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
