I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
