theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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