he wants to bone in the snuggie
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
