I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
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