champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
