Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
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