alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
