Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
