my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
