i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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