2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
