hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
