All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
