Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
