Please, let me fuck your mom
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
