as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
