So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
