Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
