he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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