This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
