You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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