she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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