Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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