every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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