she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
