last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
