At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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