Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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