I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
