why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
