I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
