Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize