well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize