if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
