i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
