This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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