The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize