I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
